But, networking is a disease and the serial networker walks among us. They look just like the rest of us, but upon close inspection you will notice the crazed glint of ambition in eyes that dart wildly in an endless search for a new victim.

Certainly, you would expect that sort of behavior when you walk into a room full of suits and ties.

So, when my husband and I ventured into our local watering hole to wash down our workday, the nonexistence of suits and ties had put me off my guard. But, a few gulps into our first glass of Bass, we were being verbally molested by a diminutive girl in an over-sized t-shirt. She was not, however, dazzling us with the success of her Fortune 500 company. Rather, “Tammy” was plying us with general information about herself and her music, for she was “a musician”.

Somehow just uttering those words straight off like that was as offensive as saying, “I am a cannibal”. I mean, really, who isn’t a musician these days? Tell me you’re a hired gun or a career sperm donor and I’m all ears. But, a musician?

Tammy’s eyes were bright with ambition as she latched onto our ears like a hungry gator. Worse yet, she was ambitious and drunk. Not drunk on success, but drunk on cheap beer and fantasies of success. I could see the slideshow behind her eyes: tours, designer jeans, fans, record deals, Rolling Stone cover stories, drug addiction, rehab and the obligatory reunion tour to follow.

About ten minutes into her autobiographical narrative, Tammy had already invited us to her home for food, drink and weed. After trying to persuade us with rapid-fire haranguing, Tammy finally relented and rolled off of her bar stool to resume an inebriated game of pool before dragging another stranger off to her lair.

It wasn’t until my second encounter with Tammy that I realized that she was plagued with the contemporary disease of self-promotion. I had been sitting on the #2 bus contemplating the social significance of garden gnomes, when she had slipped into the seat behind me and wrapped her powerful jaws around the helpless fellow who was now pinned between her and the body of the bus.

After luring him with innocent pleasantries, the geyser of self-promotional bile did henceforth spew.

The #2 bus learned many things about Tammy that desperate evening. Everyone, Tammy is a very talented and versatile musician because she plays drums in one band and sings and plays guitar in another. There are whispers of a recording contract on the horizon so, grab her autograph while she is still in urban captivity.

Like many nights before this, Tammy had spent the evening drinking and playing pool. She is very popular with a busy social schedule. Tammy is drunk but, she is grateful and in love with the bus. She loves the bus because she is an irrepressible boozer and her car thought it best to commit hare kare so that she would no longer be inclined to drive it in a drunken state.

With her car in the grave, Tammy has realized that large vehicles magically appear on streets city-wide, picking up people at all hours and seeing them to the safety of their homes. God bless the bus driver. Tammy has a son in Oceanside whom she can’t visit without the service of her car. She is late for a date and she is only slightly concerned because they are meeting at the neighborhood bar. Surely, he will wait for a little while when he has a glass of liquor at hand.

Tammy went on, her prey saying nothing, paralyzed with fear. Tammy wasn’t just marketing her music. She was marketing herself, the twenty-something American musician stereotype. Before her prey could escape, she handed him the dreaded business card, imploring him to call her so that they could hang out. I had captured the business card in my mind: Tammy – musician, networker, drunk.

I was grateful when he was gone, hoping that it would keep Tammy silent the remainder of the ride. A peaceful quiet descended upon the bus with only the distant beat of music from someone’s Walkman serving as a familiar comfort. Tammy turned to the person in the seat opposite her and said, “I love buses. Don’t you love buses?”

Try BLOCKBUSTER Online Now!